I’ve decided that I don’t rant enough here at NeverSmell, so here’s a little rant on why I hate oatmeal.

You’ve heard me talk here before about how anosmics tend to taste by texture, often preferring some foods over others based on a food’s “mouth-feel” (to borrow a term from Fast Food Nation). Well, oatmeal is one of those foods where getting the meal past my tongue is very very difficult. And if I may be blunt…

…it feels like puke! If you can imagine eating flavorless oatmeal, or can relate to eating a bunch of saltines or bread or rice when you have the flu only to minutes later have to revisit that food unexpectedly in the bathroom…that is not only what oatmeal tastes like to me, but what comes to mind the second that a wiggly morsel touches my tongue. Seriously, I don’t know why or how you olfies can eat that stuff! Ug! It makes me sick just thinking about it, right now. It’s difficult to type to be honest.

And I’ve tried it on many occasions thinking that maybe a different recipe or maybe making it with less water or more milk or cinnamon might change the consistency and make it more palatable. But nope, same experience every time. Puke puke puke puke puke.

I just don’t know how you people can stand the stuff. I don’t know how Quaker Oats has lasted this long as a company! Three cheers for branding! Give those marketing guys a medal! I just don’t understand the appeal of the stuff. If there are any fans of oatmeal reading this now, please…I’d really like to know why you like it.

I think I might even fear oatmeal, or at least the possibility of having to eat oatmeal. It’s enough to make me want to stock-pile other foods just so I’m NEVER STUCK EATING OATMEAL in the event of an emergency!!!!! I don’t think I could do it. I’m afraid I’d choose death over oatmeal.

This past week I’ve been doing a food and water challenge with my church where we “eat like the poor” for five days in order to build compassion in ourselves for the hungry. I tell you it worked big time and in ways I never expected. I not only feel more compassionate and stirred to save the poor from having to eat oatmeal, but I feel stirred to help the elderly. Have you seen what they serve in retirement homes! It’s nothing but food that looks and feels LIKE OATMEAL!!!!!!

Tuesday I was feeling ill and like I’d pass out from a lack of food and I had to force myself to eat oatmeal for dinner. And I’m proud to say that the first six mouthfuls I could do. But once I had food in my stomach and the sting of hunger began to subside, I went back to having to talk myself out of heaving. My husband looked at me, also starving, and said “Dude…what you’re doing there is not good. I’ll eat that for you.” And he did.

It’s Friday now and the last day of this challenge and I feel like Scarlet O’Hara, shaking my fist into the sunset vowing, “As long as I live, I will never eat oatmeal again!”

Ug, I just really hate oatmeal.